I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
