My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
