He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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