I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
