waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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