I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
