omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
