I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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