He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
