If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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