First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
