im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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