Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my shit smells like andre
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
