i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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