accomplished twins. life is a go
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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