we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize