just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
