I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
