I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
