Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
