ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
