Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
