Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
