Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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