Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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