i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
