the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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