My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
