I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
