I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
