Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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