I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
