youre lurking in front of me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
