We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
