i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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