i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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