You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize