I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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