Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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