Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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