found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
