I puked a lego.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Randomize
