Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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