Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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