the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
