watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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