She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
