I want to have your abortion
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
