I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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