Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
