I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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