Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
