If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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