I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Apparently you make a good broom.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize