Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
