Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
