ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
