did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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