Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
