They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
