everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love you. Go after that dick
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
