i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
they call him Oral-B. enough said
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
