it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize