I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
