carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize