:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
