Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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