We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
