After last night, I could never be a politician.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
