I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
