the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
