Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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