and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
