So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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