That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
